Shared Parenting
Helpful Resources
Many people come to us for help in achieving shared parenting orders for their children. We like to provide a few pointers on how to be an effective at shared parenting. We believe that following these guidelines will be beneficial to your children, to your ex, and to yourself.
1. Don’t hold grudges: Both you and your ex have reasons to complain about past treatment. Put it behind you. Bringing up the past makes you appear petty and vindictive. Neither is a good look.
2. Don’t involve children in adult conflicts. Your child is not your therapist. Asking your child to choose sides is harmful to your child, and will eventually be harmful to your relationship with your child.
3. Control your temper. Be an example of calm and reason. When communicating with your ex, end the conversation as soon as it veers in the direction of verbal abuse. Contemptuous remarks should be ignored. By retaliating you are entering a battle you can’t win.
4. Remember that your child did not choose her parents. Her parents chose each other. Maybe you regret your choice, but your daughter doesn’t need to hear that. Ever. Think about the child that came from that relationship. You will never recieve a greater gift.
5. Don’t make your children messengers or couriers to be dispatched at your convenience. Don’t use your child’s drop-off as a chance to save an email or a postage stamp. Try to make drop-offs pleasant for all involved, not an opportunity for carping and complaining.
6. Don’t ask for changes to parenting time needlessly. Request changes as early as possible.
7. Create a routine for your children. Try to make a regular placement schedule and follow that schedule. Help your children understand the schedule. Chaos around placement time is irritating for adults but traumatic for children.
8. Don’t use your child as a little spy in your ex’s home. Don’t interrogate your child when he returns from your ex’s home. You probably don’t appreciate other people poking their nose into your home. Don’t be guilty of this yourself.
9. Don’t imagine that you are entitled to an accounting of how child support money is spent. Child support is an entitlement to the receiving parent and can be spent in any manner that that parent sees fit. In many, if not most, cases the support amount exceeds the actual costs of children. If you think this should change, consider joining us.
10. Learn about your children without depending on your ex. You can probably gain access to your child’s doctors and teachers without a courtroom battle. Take advantage of this. Don’t ask your ex for information that you can find out on your own.
11. Treat your ex with all the respect you can muster. And muster even more respect in the presence of your children. Expect that your behavior toward your ex will set the example your child will follow through life.
We have gathered informative resources on co-parenting that may assist you in your endeavor